


Lethe

by Somnifery (somnifery)



Series: Alcione [4]
Category: Destiny (Video Games)
Genre: F/M, Fantasy, Fluff and Angst, Romance, Science Fiction, Sleeping Together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-08
Updated: 2019-01-11
Packaged: 2019-07-28 03:09:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 37
Words: 16,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16232981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/somnifery/pseuds/Somnifery
Summary: In the myths of the Old World, there is a river where the dead can drink and forget their lives, passing on to live without the burdens of their pasts. Tamzin has no such draught, and wish as she might, she will never be able to forget him.He has tasted the waters of death and memories, and returned with nothing but dreams of her. With her confessions held close, he pursues Tamzin, determined to have her heart and soul for his own.//This is part 4 of the Tamzin series. To read Kedric and Tamzin's story from the beginning, please follow the link to see all parts in order.





	1. Chapter 1

Tamzin frowns at the monitor, tapping it yet again.

The screen refreshes, but the balance on her account does not change.

“Fuck.” She turns, looking around the plaza as if some glimmer will manifest from the sky. “I just want some new gloves.”

“Well, you could have them.” Her Ghost is bobbing alongside her, failing to keep her thoughts to herself. “If you hadn’t spent all your glimmer on a new paint job for your guns.”

Tamzin shifts her weight, and Rho floats back, anticipating an irate smack from her Guardian.

“Excuse me, miss.”

She turns, and Edix is standing there, holding a bundle of flowers like a bride.

“Oh.” Tamzin says it before she can stop herself. “You’ve got to be joking.”

He doesn’t look crestfallen, and the unexpected reaction is yet one more reminder that the man she loved isn’t the one behind those eyes.

“Not at all.”

He offers the flowers to her.

She doesn’t lift her hands to take them.

“You realize,” he begins, shifting the flowers to his left hand and holding the right out to his Ghost, “that making me chase you just makes me more determined to win you over, right?”

Tamzin rolls her eyes. “Typical Hunter.”

“Probably.” Edix shrugs, almost dropping the bottle of wine his Ghost transmats into the air above his hand. “But you’re a pretty typical Warlock. Seems we’d be a good match.”

“I’m not…” Tamzin lets the protest die on her lips, not wanting to hear some analysis of why she’s typical that she can’t refute. Instead, she tugs up her gauntlets, picking at a loose thread as she tries to puzzle out how to avoid this pending disaster.

“Tamzin.” He says her name, and she has to make a concentrated effort not to flinch. “Let someone be nice to you.”

She closes her eyes. She feels like she’s about to jump into the vacuum of space without a suit.

“Fine.” A slow exhale, a surrender. “Just don’t expect me to be nice back.”


	2. Chapter 2

He likes her rough edges.

It’s the shock of it, mostly. She looks like the type who would be be quiet, smile at you, read books about poetry or magic, blush when complimented.

She does blush, at least.

Tamzin is quiet, and her soft words are brutal, more often than not. Her smiles are saved for quick kills and unexpected pleasures. Her books are few and far between, and they tell tales of the Darkness, theories of the end of things, heresies.

She blushes when he tells her how much he likes the color of her hair, her eyes, the way certain colors bring out her best features, the soft dusting of freckles across her nose and cheeks that darken when she’s spent too much time in the sun.

“Stop it,” she says. “Shut up.”

He can’t, really. He wants her to know that she’s lovely. He wants her to hear it every day.

“Why don’t you like it?” He asks her.

She sighs, loudly, the way she does when she’s hoping you won’t force her to answer a question.

“I can’t help that I’m pretty, or whatever. It’s like complimenting you on your teeth, or something.” He laughs, but she continues. “I know I’m good at fighting. Good at shooting things. Tell me about that. Praise me for doing that. Not for some random genetic roll that I didn’t have control over.”

Edix smiles, wishing he could kiss that disapproving pout away.

“Well, I think your hair is lovely with a bit of Hive blood on it.”

She lets out a huff of air, turning her face away to hide a grin. He realizes that he’s made her laugh.

Edix reaches out, and takes her hand.

She hesitates.

She pulls away.


	3. Chapter 3

“Where’s your sweetheart? Haven’t seen her around lately.” 

Edix blinks, drawn from a reverie by the gruff sound of the Drifter’s voice. He’s been sitting on this crate, cleaning his gun, the repetitive motion of polishing steel letting his mind drift into different thoughts. 

“Working, probably.” The Hunter shrugs, as if he doesn’t know exactly where her ship has gone. He’s been keeping an eye on her, quietly, aware that she’d be livid if she knew. “Saving the system. The usual.” 

The Drifter chuckles, presumably at the idea of Tamzin playing the hero. 

“Figured you two would work together. One sniper don’t make much of a fireteam.” 

He’s right, of course, but Edix doesn’t want to speculate about why Tamzin works alone. Not with him, at least. 

“Like you said. She’s a sniper. Probably sneaking about, taking out high value targets or something.” 

The Drifter is studying his expression, and Edix takes care to show nothing but indifference. He doesn’t know what Tamzin is about, but this line of questioning makes him feel oddly protective, as if telling the Drifter some wrong word might bring Tamzin harm. 

He trusts this man, for some reason. 

He does not, however, trust this man with Tamzin. 

Something about the way he watches the girl puts his teeth on edge. He treats her like all the rest, and yet his handling reminds Edix of the way a man would handle a venomous snake. Sweet words, careful hands, always ready to cut off her head. 

“I think it’s clean, brother.” 

Edix glances down at the gun, then smiles. He’s worn a hole in the rag with his absentminded polishing. 

“Sorry. Distracted.” 

The Drifter smiles, putting his hands on his hips as he looks the Hunter over. “Ladies that get ya daydreaming are nothin' but trouble. Take it from me.” 

Edix just shakes his head, adjusting the rag and starting in on the other side of the barrel. 

“My daydreams are about battles.” 

It’s not entirely a lie. The girl in his dreams, the soft, sweet, damaged thing, is a far cry from the sharp creature he’s been courting. Tamzin in flesh and blood is cruel, cold, contrite. She seems afraid of him, afraid of letting him touch her. 

He has a feeling he knows why, but he doesn’t want to force himself on her to see if he’s right. 

The Drifter tosses a tool at him, and he barely catches it, hissing slightly in annoyance as it hits his knee. 

“Come on, spaceman.” The Drifter’s not here to court his imaginings. “The Derelict don’t fix herself.” 

Edix sighs, but he puts his hand cannon away, shoving the rag into one of his belt pouches.  

The metal mark falls from his waist as he gets to his feet. He doesn’t hear it fall over the sound of the hull panel being pried open. 


	4. Chapter 4

“I don’t care what they say.” Tamzin paused to chew on a piece of fruit, sucking the fake chocolate off her fingers. “Crucible’s not fun if you lose. I hate getting shot, it’s never any less painful.” 

“But you get shot in the field all the time, don’t you?” Edix is a bit too attentive, though she’s entirely oblivious to his fixation with her eating habits.

“No.” She grins, chocolate still on her lips. “I’m a sniper. I clean up from above while scrubs like you get your hands dirty.”  

Edix passes the box of sweets to her, and Tamzin picks up a chocolate covered berry with a soft hum of approval, slipping it between her lips and sucking the meat of it away like a Dreg starving for ether. He just watches, trying not to imagine her lips on other things, trying not to imagine what berries taste like on her lips. 

“I wonder what real chocolate tasted like.” 

The comment startles Edix out of his musings, and he looks down at the box in her hands, curious. 

“What do you mean, ‘real’?” 

Tamzin smirks, that expression she gets when she’s about to prove she’s the smartest person in the room. 

“Before the Collapse, before the Golden Age, they made it out of these plants. Cacao. They planted these cacao plants and harvested them and made real chocolate with the beans, I think.” 

“Why don’t they grow them anymore?” He’s puzzled by this. Tamzin shrugs, popping another piece of fruit into her mouth. 

“Climate got too bad, the plants couldn’t survive. Like all the rest. And they didn’t produce enough oxygen or food to justify taking up space in the colonies in other parts of the system, so they just died off and got replaced with manufactured stuff.” 

“Oh.” Edix frowns. “I wish I could get the real thing for you.” 

Tamzin laughs aloud, flopping onto her back. “You’re ridiculous.” 

His expression softens, and he reaches out, slipping a berry between her lips, smiling as she catches the morsel in her teeth. 

“I like it when you laugh.” 

She closes her eyes. For a moment, she looks like she’s in pain. 

He traces her lips with his fingers.

She does not turn away. 


	5. Chapter 5

The Crucible is a pale shade of the thrills of Gambit, but Tamzin returns with all the enthusiasm she can feign. 

“Watch your back,” she reminds a Titan, taking him down for the third time in the match. She keeps the radio open, listening to the general comms, always ready to take advantage of a careless call on the wrong channel from her opponents. 

“Tamzin.” Shaxx comes in, tone warning. 

“What? He’s not checking his six.” She rolls her eyes, reloading her rifle as she rolls aside. She has to change positions; even these idiots will be able to pinpoint her if she stays in one place for too long. “Nobody tells these Titans to keep their eyes up.” 

“Leave the coaching to me.” 

Tamzin slings her rifle onto her back, keeping her sidearm in hand as she sprints to the edge, taking a leap across the gulf to another towering block of stone. Getting to her new position will take a bit of work, but she knows her way around these arenas.

“Coach the Titans… better, then.” She finally replies, breathless as she heaves herself up onto a ledge. “Or I’ll single them out until you do.” 

A gunshot rings out, and Tamzin feels the stone crumble beneath one foot. She doesn’t have time to shift her weight, and she finds herself falling toward the ground far below. 

Falling-- And then shouting, as something catches her by the wrist, wrenching her shoulder and swinging her back up to solid ground. 

“Sorry.” Edix smiles at her, reaching out to put a hand on Tamzin’s shoulder. Her Ghost is already fixing it, thankfully, the screaming pain of dislocation quickly fading into a dull ache. “That was a little rough.” 

Tamzin is glad she has her helmet on. He can’t see her face, or the unfortunate flush to her cheeks caused by his sudden appearance. 

“Don’t save your opponents.” Her tone is a bit short, and his smile falters- Just for a moment. 

Tamzin lifts her sidearm, ready to take the point, the win, but she finds herself paralyzed, the sound of her own blood rushing in her ears. 

“I’m calling it.” Shaxx’s voice booms over the radio, and both Guardians flinch, ears ringing from the volume. 

“You missed your shot,” Edix says, tone light. 

Tamzin looks at her gun. She realizes she didn’t even put her finger on the trigger. 

“... It was decided already,” she lies. 

Shaxx doesn’t grudge her the point, but her team does. 

She wretches until all the blood vessels in her face have burst, once she's alone. 

Rho knits her bruised face back together as she cries.   


	6. Chapter 6

“Is this what he dreams about?”  The Drifter paints her blood across her pale cheek, smiling at the contrast. “Making you bleed?” 

Tamzin spins her sidearm on one finger, vaguely aware that she didn’t check the chamber when she unloaded it. Slouched in this seat, blood trickling from her nose, a cut on her cheekbone- One slip could blow her jaw off. Might take out the Drifter. 

Or nothing could happen at all. 

“I don’t know what he dreams about.” She closes her eyes, cringing when a gloved finger finds her wound again. “Besides… me.” 

“What’s with your Ghost?” He’s curious. He’s noticed Rho’s delays. 

“She doesn’t like you.” Tamzin informs him. “And she disapproves of my lifestyle choices.” 

The Ghost appears on cue, shooting the Drifter equivalent of a dirty look before getting to work on her Guardian’s injuries. 

“Stop spinning that thing around before it goes off,” Rho orders. 

Tamzin sighs, letting the gun drop to her lap, tilting her head back like a petulant child being tended by their mother. 

“What’s not to like?” The Drifter asks, grinning at the little orb. “Little girl growing up too fast for ya?" 

Rho seems ready to ignore him, light washing over Tamzin’s face as flesh grows back together, leaving yet another faint scar. 

“She’s just chasing one more high to avoid dealing with her problems,” Rho finally says. 

Tamzin stiffens, and The Drifter laughs as she tries to smack the Ghost, who dodges just out of reach before continuing. 

“You’re not even that good. She goes out in the City and gets better from strangers.” 

Tamzin looks like she’s ready to use the gun on the Ghost. “Rho!” 

The Ghost just blinks at her, and he senses the challenge between them, adding tension to the seconds of silence. 

“And no.” Rho turns back to the Drifter, looking him over. “I don’t like you.” 

He laughs as she disappears, but he notes the look of relief on Tamzin’s face.  _ What was she afraid she’d say? _

He’s pretty sure he already knows. 


	7. Chapter 7

Tamzin can’t forgive him. 

He brings her flowers, like a smitten schoolboy, placing lilies into her hands, putting one behind her ear, as if she is a goddess to be decorated. 

She thinks, for a moment, that her heart could start to heal- Even though she sees his blood smeared across her palms instead of pollen. 

Other days, she feels she might drown in her bitterness.

“You left me alone.” 

She says it aloud, once, and he turns to look at her, confused. The Primeval is dead, fading away at their feet, and she’s staring into the last of its darkness. 

“... I’ll be here if you need me.” He doesn’t know what she means, and she doesn’t truly expect him to. His reassurance feels like a lie. 

She turns away. 

Tamzin cannot forgive herself. 

She seeks out pain, in some ways. Punishment. Some days, the Drifter is happy to oblige. Others, he can’t be bothered.

“You gotta get out more.” He informs her. He’s lying on his back, fixing some mechanical malfunction on the Derelict. “Get that boyfriend of yours to take care of ya.” 

“No.” Tamzin says it too quickly, and she grimaces at the realization. She’s sitting on the floor, leaning against a crate, watching him swear and fiddle with some bolts. “He’d get the wrong idea.” 

“Sister, you don’t have a  _ right  _ idea.” The Drifter curses as a tool slips from his hand, clattering to the floor beside him. “I got a ship to fix. Find someone else to get you off.” 

“Fuck you,” she snaps. “I’m just bored.” 

Bored, and weak. 

The Hunter brings her gifts. No matter how many she tries to turn away, he always comes back, bearing richly colored gear, gem tones to set off the color of her hair and eyes. He drapes his black and silver cape across her shoulders, smiling at how striking she looks. 

Eventually, she gives in, worn down by his insistence.

“I’m only doing this because you’re pathetic.” She’s standing behind the door, feigning modesty as she changes. 

“You’re mean,” Edix tells her, looking around her cluttered rooms as he waits. “I like it.” 

“There’s other mean girls in the Tower, if that’s what you’re after.” She steps out, sighing loudly as she smooths down the brocade, arranging silver clasps. “They’d probably take your bribes more easily, too.” 

The Hunter takes her in, a vision in black and teal. Without waiting for permission, he steps forward, tracing his hands down the curve of her trim waist, her hips. 

“I only want this mean girl. She’s beautiful.”

"You're an idiot."

He kisses her.

She doesn’t push him away. 


	8. Chapter 8

Tamzin vanishes the next day. 

Edix punches a hole into a wall, cursing his stupidity, but it’s too late to take it back. He moved too quickly. He’s frightened her off. 

It’s only a few weeks until she returns, but it feels like centuries. 

He’d crawl on his knees to her, if he thought it would help. Instead, he waits. 

She’s covered in dirt and sweat when she comes to the baths, and she looks unspeakably weary when she sees him. Too weary to fight, or avoid him, or find some excuse to leave. 

“I’m sorry.” Edix says, as if it means something. 

“For what.” It isn’t even a question; she sounds flat, emotionless, drained. 

“Kissing you.” 

Tamzin looks down at the flowers in his hands, then at the water of the bath. Her eyes are flat, even the prosthetic seeming dulled with fatigue. 

“I don’t think I care anymore.” 

Edix feels something in his stomach sink. “...Tamzin.” 

“Fuck me.” Tamzin says, spreading her hands, inviting, challenging. “That’s what you want, isn’t it?” 

He rises, and goes to her, and takes her in his arms, though she pushes at him, and she screams into his chest once he draws her into an embrace. 

“Come on,” he breathes. “Come here.”

“I hate you.” Tamzin tries to push him away, but his arms are too strong, and his embrace feels like home, even if it is someone else’s home now. “You don’t even know me.” 

“I know you.” 

He doesn’t tell her he loves her. She doesn’t want or need platitudes right now. 

“Let’s get you cleaned up. You’ll feel better.”

Her clothing is dense with the Hive gore, and he leaves them in a pile beside the bath for her Ghost to dispose or store as she pleases. 

Tamzin is silent as he washes her, careful hands scrubbing her hair until the water around them is black with blood and her skin is red from the heat of the water and the coarse bristles of a brush.

“Is this alright?” 

Tamzin just nods. 

Edix has the vague fear that if he turns his back, she’ll let herself sink beneath the water, fill her lungs. 

“I’ll take you to bed,” he says. He brushes her wet hair back from her face, and she closes her eyes. “Sleep will help, you’ll see.” 

_ It won’t. _ But she doesn’t say it aloud. 


	9. Chapter 9

“Tamzin. Wake up.” 

She groans in protest, rolling onto her side and reaching out for Edix. 

Edix, who isn’t beside her.

Calling it a bed is generous, really. She’s sprawled out on a pile of filthy pillows, and she is but one of many who spent the night tripping on mysterious pills and bootleg liquor, collapsing here instead of stumbling home on the bright City streets. 

“Tamzin.” 

That is his voice, though. Kedric. Edix. 

She blinks into the bright, painful light, and she sees him, walking toward her, crouching down to pull her up and lift her. 

The light is gone, and she is lying on a cold, metal deck, staring up at a sky that was just torn in half by bright orange lightning. 

There are no drugs or booze here, and no Hunter come to save her. 

“I think I’m going crazy.”

Nobody replies. 

Tamzin closes her eyes, and tilts her head back, and tries not to think about the kiss. 

He kisses her. She flees. 

She ends up here, on Titan, and now here, on this battered, ruined roof, spread out like a star, as if hoping the wind and rain will take her away. 

She dreams that he saves her from herself. 

She wakes up, and she is alone. 


	10. Chapter 10

It’s been three months since she left, and there are no flowers or heroes waiting when she finds her way to the baths, strips off her filthy armor and puts her head under the water. 

Tamzin scrubs herself to the point of pain, finding an odd pleasure in the sting of raw flesh, gingerly wrapping herself in a towel and finding her way to her rooms, hair leaving a trail of water through the halls. 

There is no hero waiting for her. Only a Hunter, hopeful, bearing vices as gifts. 

He doesn’t bring flowers, but he has a bottle of gin. She takes it, shoving open the door as if he isn’t leaning against the doorframe, lurking for an invitation. 

“No apology?” She asks, finally looking him in the eyes. 

He blinks, confused. 

“For what?” 

Tamzin laughs, but it’s a dry sound, and she’s not thinking about dreams. She’s thinking about the sound of a Thrall’s skull being crushed beneath her boot, the sound of a knife in a Dreg’s eye socket, the smell of antiseptic and sex from a life that doesn’t exist anymore. 

Edix stops breathing when she lets the towel fall to the floor. 

He follows her inside.

She forgets herself. 


	11. Chapter 11

“What was that?” 

He kisses the arch of bone between her breasts, savoring the sound of her gasps, drawing himself up and inside of her once more, catching her in a kiss to feel her moan against him. 

She tastes like liquor and bad decisions.

_ Kedric _ . She’d moaned the name as she came, and his breath caught in his throat at the sound, something between jealousy and lust at the way she said it. 

She’s still trying to catch her breath, but he keeps moving, not giving her a moment to think clearly, savoring the sensation of her nails digging into his shoulders. 

“Say it again,” he whispers, scraping his teeth across her earlobe, and she does. 

“K-- Kedric.” 

She clings to him as if she’ll drown, and he rewards her, worshipping every inch of her with kisses, soft bites, licking the sweat from her skin, leaving soft bruises on her throat until her back arches and she calls that name once more. 

“I like that,” he tells her, watching her take another drink from the bottle, watching liquor drip from the corner of her lips before he moves to lick it away. 

“What?” Her words are a bit slurred, and he laughs, playfully trying to tug the bottle away from her. 

“Kedric. It’s a nice name.” 

She looks like she might be ill, and she take another drink, deep and messy. He strokes her cheek with his thumb, soothing her until the feeling seems to pass. 

“You’re not him.” She whispers.  

“I can be.” He pulls her in, finding all the ridges of her spine with his fingers, savoring the feeling of her tension easing into the shape of his body. “I can have any name I want.” 

He makes her say it again, and again, until they are spent, and they fall into the exhausted sleep between dreams and afterglow. 

Kedric takes the name. 

He wears it like a stolen gun.


	12. Chapter 12

“I don’t think he’s good for you.” 

Tamzin opens her eyes, and Rho is floating right before her face, scanning her over with the Ghost’s best expression of concern.  

“You don’t think anything is good for me.” The Warlock’s voice is dry, and she coughs, clearing her throat as she pushes herself up, perched on the edge of the bed. “He’s probably going to disappear now, anyways. He got what he wanted.” 

She says it lightly, but the words hurt. 

Tamzin has no delusions, in this particular instance. He got what he wanted. She let him get her into bed, and they shared the memories and dreams they needed, and he had gone while she slept, leaving nothing but the empty bottle of gin on the shelf beside her bunk. 

“Tamzin?” Rho says her name. Tamzin realizes she’s been saying her name for a while. She’s about to answer, but the door opens. 

“Hello.” 

Tamzin stares at Edix. The Hunter. 

He takes in the sight of her, bare from the waist up, the thin sheet covering hardly more than her thighs as she sits up in the bed. 

“I have breakfast.” He holds out tea, a paper bag, and smiles, enjoying the blank confusion on her face. 

“You’re back.” Tamzin says it like it’s a shock, as if the Wall had just collapsed, as if the Traveler had up and left the City. Not as if it’s a lover, returning with food and drink, smiling kindly. 

“Of course.” He comes to her, sitting on the bed, setting down the food to grab her by the chin and kiss her. It’s possessive, hungry. She doesn’t resist. “I didn’t want to wake you up. You had a long night.” 

Tamzin seems speechless. She lets her eyes drop to the bag. 

“You got what you wanted. I thought you’d be finished here.” 

She tugs the bag open, pulling the pastry out and tearing off a piece for herself. 

“I got laid, pretty idiot.” Edix reaches out, brushing her hair away from her brow, smiling at her. “That’s only part of what I want.” 

He wants to possess her, heart and soul. He wants this cruel, slim creature for himself. 

“I should get dressed.” 

Tamzin breaks the silence, but her Ghost is fading away, leaving her. She looks slightly annoyed, though Edix is pleased enough with the privacy. 

“No, you shouldn’t.” He begins to unbuckle his cape, his belts, dropping them off the side of the bed. “You’re going to finish eating. And I’m going to keep you here all day.” 

“Edix…” She starts to say. He puts a finger to her lips, silencing her. 

“Kedric.” He grins, and she feels a chill at the predatory edge to it, as if he’ll tear out her throat as soon as kiss her. “I like it better.” 

“... Kedric.” She repeats. The name is slightly sour on her tongue. It feels like a poorly fit shirt, tight and unnatural, something soft and sweet being forced over something strong and frightening. "I was drunk. It was a mistake." 

“Too late.” He places the tea and pastry beside the gin, pushing her back, the rough material of his chestplate scraping the soft skin of her belly as he kisses her on the throat. “Say it louder, next time.” 

He gets what he wants.


	13. Chapter 13

“You can’t keep this up.” 

Rho says it, again, somehow hoping that this will be the time it gets through to her Guardian. 

“He isn’t Kedric. You’re Hidden. You’re deluding yourself.” 

Tamzin gives her an odd look, somewhere between disappointment and sadness. 

“Why can’t you just be happy for me?” 

The question takes the Ghost aback, and she’s quiet for a long minute, trying to come up with an answer. 

“I can be.” 

“You never have been.” Tamzin turns back to her work, watching the bar inch across the screen as the upload progresses. “Even before all this. The only time you weren’t berating me was after he died.” 

Rho doesn’t want to tell her that it was because she was scared she’d kill herself; find some way to die a true death. She doesn’t want to remember that it was because she had left her, alone, curled up on her bed, wandering the Tower to talk to other Ghosts while Tamzin cried until her eyes were bruised. 

“I know it isn’t him.” She says it softly, and Rho isn’t sure if it’s to avoid detection or because of the meaning behind the words. “I know. But he feels… right. And he wants to be right for me. I think that’s enough.” 

“...You’re losing your grip, Tamzin.” Rho hesitates to say it, but she feels she must. “He’s a different person, and I don’t like the way he handles you.” 

Tamzin exhales, slowly, resting her forehead on the hard plastic shell of the console and closing her eyes. 

“I think I’d like to make my own decisions, this time.” Rho jumps back at the words, already aware of what comes next. “I want you to stop picking at it. Getting into my head. It’s not helping. I think it’s making it all worse.” 

“Tamzin--” 

“No.” The Guardian puts up a hand to silence Rho, though she doesn’t lift her head. “Listen to me. Just once. I don’t want your input on my personal life. If you can’t help yourself, don’t talk at all. I’d miss you, but I need this. I need space.” 

Rho makes a series of soft beeps, a forlorn sound. 

“Just think about it. And go.” She opens her eyes, and the glow of her prosthetic reflects on the console, an eerie blue illuminating her face. “I need the ship when this upload is done.” 

The Ghost hesitates for a moment before transmatting away to do as she’s told. 

The flight home is long and silent. 

For Rho, it is lonely. 

For Tamzin, it feels something like peace. 


	14. Chapter 14

He’s domineering, sometimes, and some days she is too fatigued or broken to argue with him. Other times, she is hot tempered, spitting fire and poison, and he matches her vitriol with his stubborn patience, taking her blows or catching her wrists, holding her at bay or kissing her until the anger fades.

“She’s not right,” Kessy observes. “I think she’s crazy.”

“She’s perfect.” Kedric shrugs, passing money to the shopkeeper, slipping the bar of chocolate into his pouch before he turns away.  “She could eat me alive. I hope she tries.”

“I take that back,” the Ghost sounds disgusted. “ _You’re_ the crazy one.”

He just laughs.

She’s damaged, and he loves her all the more for it. Sometimes he can tell she’s looking for the man she used to love in his face, and he feeds that scrap of nostalgia with affection until she nearly drags him to bed, desperate to drown her doubts and all other thought.

“I’m sorry.”

He says it once, as she falls asleep on his chest, trails of her sweat cold on his hot skin.

“Mm?”

She’s barely awake. He strokes her hair, staring at the ceiling, ruminating on the odd guilt in his chest.

“I’m sorry I’m not him.”

Tamzin doesn’t react. She’s asleep, he thinks.

He doesn’t repeat the apology.

He stops making her say his name. 


	15. Chapter 15

“You told him.” 

Ikora states it, and part of Tamzin is grateful that she doesn’t have the opportunity to lie.

She’d take it. Ikora knows it. 

“Not everything. Hardly anything.” Tamzin runs her fingers over the spines of the books, inhaling the scent of old pages and trying to decide if she wants to take something with her. “I told him why he dreams about me. The name was an accident.” 

The Vanguard is watching her, waiting to see some sign she’s telling tales. Tamzin just pulls a volume from the shelf, opening it and beginning to flip carefully through the pages. 

“An accident.” Ikora repeats, obviously disbelieving. 

“Yeah. An accident.” Tamzin forces herself not to look up from the book, though she wishes she could see Ikora’s face for her next words. “I was shitfaced and he’s an incredible lay.” 

Being vulgar doesn’t have the effect she’d hoped, unfortunately. Ikora just sighs. Tamzin resists the urge to lick a finger to turn the next page just to annoy her more. Instead, she snaps the book shut, staring at the blank spot on the shelf. 

“Do you want to send me on an assignment, or did you just call me in to ask about him?” 

“You have a few weeks to recover. I just wanted to check in.” The Warlock watches Tamzin slide the book back on the shelf, inching it back and forth until it lines up perfectly with its neighbors. “Any new concerns about your friend?” 

“He’s docked right in the Bazaar, you know.” Tamzin’s tone borders on sardonic. “You could probably just walk up and ask him yourself.” 

“Tamzin.” 

“Nothing. Just Gambit, Gambit, Gambit.” She wanders to the desk, flopping into a chair, nearly putting her feet up on the desk before Ikora’s stare makes her falter. “He gets suspicious when I’m around too much, I think.” 

Kedric spends far too much time playing the Drifter’s game, in her opinion, but her concerns for the Hunter aren’t something wants to share with Ikora. Not yet, at least. 

“Don’t show your hand, but keep an eye on him.” The Vanguard looks at her papers, and Tamzin recognizes the sign that their meeting is coming to an end. “Let me know if you find any interesting information.” 


	16. Chapter 16

“Let’s not drink tonight.”

“What?” Tamzin blinks, shaking her head as if she cannot believe what she’s hearing. “Let’s not what?”

Kedric gives her a disapproving look, tugging the bottle of cheap liquor from her hands. It’s still sealed, neck slick from her efforts to twist it open with her sweaty hands.

“I’m starting to think you only want to sleep with me when you’re drunk.”

Her blush betrays her, and he grins, pleased he’s found the heart of the matter so quickly.

“You can say no.” He tosses the bottle to the floor, gently enough that it doesn’t break in the fall. “And I’d rather you did, if you’re pretending I’m someone else.”

Tamzin looks at the floor. He can see the muscles working as she grinds her teeth, a completely failed effort to hide her feelings.

“Stop that.” He pokes her in the cheek, the surprise of the touch forcing her jaw to release. “Use your words.”

“I like the sex.”

Kedric sits back. Those certainly are words, but not the ones he’s waiting for.

The Warlock paces away, finding a place on the window seat, chewing on her lip. She continues, after a long while, feeling compelled to fill this silence.

“It’s not like it was, but I like it. But I think you just want to have the girl you dream about. Not me. Not actually me. And I think, if I’m sober, I’d wish it wasn’t you. I’d wish it was him. And we’d both know we’re just... “

“Sleeping with ghosts?”

He smiles, a kind expression. Tamzin pauses, considering the term before she nods.

“Well, Tamzin.” Kedric leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees, studying her face as he speaks. “Believe it or not, I prefer the real thing to the dreams. Even if you are a spiteful bitch more often than not.”

She laughs aloud at that, easing the tightness in his chest. “Flatterer.”

“I’m just getting started,” he replies, quirking a brow at her. “Unless you’d like to tear my clothes off now and skip the rest.”

Tamzin starts to retort, but she falters, and he takes advantage of the silence.

“I like a girl who doesn’t put up with my shit. You’re beautiful, and smart, and mean, and I like all of it. I’d sell my Ghost to have you, but I don’t want that if you don’t want me.”

He swallows, as if he doesn’t want to say the last words.

“Me, now. Not the me you knew.”

Tamzin looks to one side, avoiding his gaze as she tries to sort out her thoughts.

He waits, hoping to gain the trust of this skittish creature.

“I wish I could forget everything, too.”

Kedric feels his heart sink ever so slightly at the words, but she smiles, and he finds himself holding his breath.

“I’m tired. I want to destroy myself or everyone else, in turns. But I don’t feel that way when I’m with you, and just drinking’s never done that for me.” She sighs, and her smiles fades, as if she’s remembering all the times she’s tried. “You’re not the same. You aren’t here to fix me. All I want someone who wants me. Can that be enough, for now?”

The Hunter is quiet for a long time. She sits in the window, watching him, waiting for a new beginning or a farewell.

“Come here,” he says, at last. “I want you.”

For once, Tamzin, lips tasting of chocolate instead of liquor, does not wish to be with anyone else.


	17. Chapter 17

The space left by Rho’s silence is strange, but not unfamiliar. After Kedric’s death, Tamzin had banished her for a day. The Ghost had taken it as a grievous insult, refusing to speak to her for nearly a year. 

Back then, Tamzin’s thoughts had been a mess. She was in so much pain she felt nothing at all. It had been a loud, brutal silence, with the sensation of a thousand people screaming in her head. 

They aren’t screaming anymore. 

“Look at me.” Tamzin inhales, eyes fluttering open to see Kedric as she comes back from her reverie. He smirks, resting on his elbows, a tiny brush in his hand.  “No-- Well, yes, but close your eyes again.” 

He takes her chin in his hand, tilting her head to the side, carefully painting a line of black in a fine flick out from the corner of her eye. 

“Perfect. Don’t scrunch it up.” 

The Warlock just hums, letting herself drift back into the quiet, finding a place between sleep and the waking world where she can sort through her thoughts, find words that belong to her and her alone. 

“Why did you change your name?” She asks him, voice soft. 

Kedric is so close that he doesn’t have to strain to hear her. He’s painting something on her eyelid, blowing the excess away as he finishes. His breath tickles, and she grins, suppressing a giggle. 

“I like the way it sounds when you say it.” He kisses her on the collarbone, the ghost of teeth on her skin. “It feels right.” 

“That’s not a real answer.” Tamzin sighs. He pauses, and she opens her eyes ever so slightly, just to see him staring at her. 

“It’s true. You sound like you love to say it.” He smiles, and it’s not  _ his _ smile, but it makes her feel like his smile did. “It feels like magic. It’s a turn-on.” 

“You’re insatiable.” She tilts her head back, letting her fringe fall back from her brow, and he makes a sound of disapproval. “Even if I do like to say it.” 

“Hold on. Let me have the other side.” 

She sighs, complying, and he gets back to his work, drawing the same fine line on her other eyelid, brushing something else across it, then carefully painting something onto her lips. 

Sleep can’t fix the sort of weariness she feels, but she lets it take her anyways. She feels safe, for once. No enemies prowling about, no watch to keep, no uncomfortable armor pressing into her sides. 

“Did you fall asleep on me?” His voice is warm against her ear, and she just hums, dozing in the sun. “You’ve got to see all my hard work.” 

Tamzin sighs, but he nibbles on her ear, and she opens her eyes with a soft groan. “What?” 

He kisses her on the cheek, tugging her upright. “You should get a mirror above the bed,” he nearly purrs. “I’d like the view.” 

“You’re a deviant,” she informs him, but she lets him guide her to the center of the room, turning her around to see herself in the mirror on the back of the door. 

He’s painted her up like a lady from an advertisement, all black lashes and winged liner, soft bronze eyeshadow, lips painted a blue-red that somehow manages not to clash with her red hair. 

“Where did you learn to do this?” Tamzin asks, reaching up to touch her face. He catches her wrist before she can smudge it, grinning at her awe. 

“I get bored, sometimes. I go into the City. The girls at one of the cosmetic shops showed me.” Kedric reaches forward, tucking her hair behind her ears, smirking as she brings a finger to her lips, marveling at the color. “They said I look good in eyeliner.” 

“You’re vain.” She accuses him, but he just laughs, kissing her, pulling back with lips stained red to take in the sight of her once more. 

“I might be the most handsome man in the City,” he nearly sings it, picking her up and swinging her about the small room as if they’re about to dance, “but I’ve got the most beautiful girl in the system.” 

“I’m going to throw up on you if you keep spinning me around.” Tamzin puts her arms around his neck, all the same, and he puts her down and kisses her again. 

_ I’m falling for him, _ she thinks, even as she lets him push her against the door.  _ I’m an idiot. _

He’s covered in lipstick by the time they’re done. She laughs until she cries as he tries to scrub it off. 


	18. Chapter 18

Kedric wipes a glob of viscera from his visor, letting out a whoop of elation as the last of the Vandals slides to the floor. The gunfight has left his breathless, heart racing, a bit lightheaded.

“Take some deep breaths,” Kessy chides, materializing before him. “I can’t have you passing out on me.”

“Alright, alright.” The Hunter holsters his gun, taking a several slow breaths while the Ghost waits. “All better, see? Nothing to worry about.”

“Let me see.” The Ghost floats around him, scanning for any signs of injury twice before she’s satisfied. “Perfect! Well done.”

Kedric smiles at her, carefully stepping over Fallen corpses on his way to the exit.

“You think so? I think it could’ve been cleaner, but I’m still new to all this.”

“Any mission where I don’t have to resurrect you is a success, in my book. And even if I have to bring you back a few times, a finished mission is a good mission.”

Kedric laughs, reaching out to give her an affectionate tap on the shell. “They should put you in charge of new Guardians. You’d be the perfect cheerful welcoming committee.”

The Ghost scoffs. “Pssh. I don’t want other Guardians. I already have the perfect one.”

“Kessy,” the Hunter puts a hand over his heart. “I’m touched. I was going to buy myself something nice when we got home, but I think I need a new shell for the perfect Ghost instead.”

“This is very sweet,” Devrim’s voice crackles over the radio, tone dry. “But Shiro and I would like to get on with our days, if you’d be kind enough to sign off.”

Kedric coughs, and his Ghost makes a sound like a laugh at his embarrassment.

“Mission’s complete, gentlemen.” Kessy speaks for him, not even trying to hide her amusement. “I’ll send a report within the hour.”

“Yes,” Kedric confirms. “All done. Thanks for the help.”

“Any time, Guardian.” Shiro sounds like he might laugh, too, and Kedric toggles off his radio before he can hear it.

“You could’ve mentioned they were still on the comms,” he points at Kessy, a half-hearted reproach.

“What fun would that be?” The Ghost is obviously delighted by his discomfort. “Time to transmat, dear. Let’s go get that new shell you promised me.”


	19. Chapter 19

“You’re so careless.”

Rho’s tone would be more suitable for a broken vase than a broken body, but the Guardian isn’t in any shape to retort.

“I don’t know what Ikora sees in you, sometimes. You’re terrible at being sneaky.”

Tamzin gasps as the Ghost repairs her shattered leg, hand pressed to the bloody mess of her ribs and side. The Acolyte’s shot hit her in the lung, she’s almost sure of it, but she doesn’t have the breath to tell Rho to stop fucking around with her leg and fix the more dire injury first.

“If you listened to me, I could’ve told you this would happen. You just had to rush it, like you rush everything.”

If Rho wasn’t the only thing that could keep Tamzin from drowning in her own blood, she might’ve emptied her pistol into the Ghost.

“Rushing into a Hive nest, rushing into alcoholism, then rushing right back into that Hunter’s bed--” Tamzin wheezes as her lung is knit back together, coughing until the blood comes up and she can spit it onto the dirt. “-- reeks of desperation, really. He’ll find some Huntress he doesn’t have to coddle, you’ll see.”

“I thought you weren’t talking to me,” Tamzin growls between coughs. “I _told_ you not to talk to me.”

“I’ve decided I’ll talk as much as I want to,” the Ghost informs her, not bothering to assist as the Guardian gags to clear out her lungs. “Especially when you do keep doing stupid things.”

Tamzin closes her eyes, trying to catch her breath and clear her mind. She knows Rho’s words will get under her skin, despite her best efforts. That’s exactly what the Ghost wants.

“Shit happens, Rho.” She keeps her voice low, though any Hive nearby would have been alerted by her coughing by now. “Just keep me alive, and then we can get out of here.”

Tamzin spits out another mouthful of blood, swallowing as she tries not to gag on the taste of copper.

“He doesn’t have to coddle me.” She licks her teeth, grimacing. “You’re wrong.”

Rho just makes a disdainful noise. 

 


	20. Chapter 20

The heat of summer comes, and Tamzin returns from some place far afield, yellow dust on her boots and a fresh scar on her side. She drags herself to check in with Ikora before making her way to the baths, steps echoing off the walls of the empty bazaar.

For once, it’s Kessy who finds her first, drifting into the bathhouse without Kedric in tow. Tamzin hasn’t bothered to turn on most of the lights, and only her eyes and nose are above the water, though she looks like she may be falling asleep in the middle of the pool.

“Tamzin?” Kessy floats over to the Warlock, brushing the top of the water as she approaches her face. “Tamzin. Wake up, or you’ll drown.”

Her eyes flutter open, and she eases herself up until her head and shoulders are above the water. Kessy realizes she was kneeling on the bottom of the pool instead of sitting on the bench.

“What?” She sounds tired- and looks bone weary, too.

Kessy pauses a moment to take in the state of the Guardian, resulting in a noise of disapproval. “Oh, no. What have you been doing? You look terrible.”

“Thanks,” Tamzin replies, tone dry. “I was working. Took a Hive shot to the ribs, but Rho fixed me up. I’m fine.”

“No, I meant…” The Ghost hovers, trying to decide how to delicately phrase her next words before just giving up. “Would you like me to get E-- Kedric? He can help you get to bed.”

Tamzin smiles, ever so gently. Kessy feels a bit of pride at eliciting the expression.

“I don’t want to bother him. He’s going to get tired of me.”

“Where did you get that idea?” Kessy imitates a sigh. “You need someone to take care of you, dear, and he enjoys it. You’re more than scrapes and bruises to be patched up.”

“You’re sweeter than Rho is.” The Guardian rests her head back against the edge of the bath, closing her eyes. “She’s right, though. I shouldn’t wear him out with my silly problems. It was just… a long mission. That’s all. I’ll be fine.”

If she could flush with anger, the Ghost is sure she would. She’s putting the pieces together, and she doesn’t quite like the picture she's seeing.

“I’ll go get Kedric,” is all she says. “Don’t fall asleep.”

Tamzin starts to protest, but Kessy disappears before she can speak. 

Tonight is not the night to dress down Tamzin’s Ghost, especially not in front of her.

Tomorrow, however, is a different matter.


	21. Chapter 21

Time passes, somehow. He’s no longer constrained by the days as he once was, and they lose themselves together in the spaces between months and weeks. 

Tamzin allows the lines to blur, and finds that she’s happier for it. The Kedric that once was is still part of this new Kedric, and she realizes her heart doesn’t have to ache when she recognizes some small mannerism that she thought she lost long ago. 

He’s not going to die, this time. 

Kedric is no longer a healer, and he does not come to her with the desire to fix her broken parts. He tries to ease her pain, of course, but he seems to treasure the damage she’s collected across the years. 

He has no such scars, and her trauma ought to be beyond his understanding. Even so, he skirts the edges of her wounds, navigating around them to find the person they’ve made her into, try to find the shape of the person she was before she was torn apart.  

Who was she? 

Even she doesn’t know the answer to that. 

She holds out her hands as a huge moth flutters past, catching it between her cupped hands. The feeling of tiny wings beating against her palms makes her shudder. 

“Tamzin.” His voice is sing-song, and she looks at him- Realizes she’s lost herself again, thoughts drifting, leaving the people around them uncomfortable, casting uneasy glances in her direction. “Do you need to rest?” 

“No.” Her voice is too sharp, but her cheeks are burning. “I was just distracted.” 

She’s not tired. She’s just not… herself. 

She opens her hands, and the moth rests there, wary or damaged or exhausted. She summons the sun. 

The flames fill the space, incinerating the little creature, leaving a flare of light in its shape. 

It lingers until she blows on it, and the cinders float away, dissolving into the wind, drifting over the railing and into the City far below. 

“That was cruel,” Kedric leans over her shoulder, brushing a kiss across her cheek as he wraps his arms around her waist. “Lovely, but cruel.” 

Tamzin just inhales, savoring the scent of ash and burning dust. 

“One day, I’ll show you how it works on something larger. Hive. A Guardian. One of the Fallen.” She sounds dreamy at the prospect, and Kedric chuckles, charmed by her brutality. 

“Don’t kill anything you shouldn’t,” he chides her, punctuating it with another kiss. “I’d be very sad if you were exiled.”

Tamzin smiles, closing her eyes and leaning her head back against him, toward the sky. 

“Would you come with me?” 

He goes quiet, considering the question. 

“I guess I would,” Kedric replies. “You’re the only person I’d really miss, I think, if you went away.” 

She lets out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding. 

“Now, let me see those solar wings.” 

Kedric tightens his grip around her waist, lifting her off her feet, and she shrieks as he playfully threatens to toss her over the railing. Tamzin jabs an elbow into his side, and they fall back to the ground, Kedric landing hard on his back and wheezing while she laughs helplessly, sitting on top of him. 

“Idiot,” she gasps, poking him in the side. He catches her wrist, pulling her down on top of him, making her shriek again before he silences her with a kiss. 

“That hurt,” he informs her, once his kiss has left her breathless and blushing. She laughs, rolling off of his chest, laying on her back on the plaza beside him. 

“You deserved it.” Tamzin closes her eyes, head resting on his arm, chest heaving as she tries to catch her breath. 

The shopkeepers stare as they close up, unsure what to make of the Guardians lying out on the pavement. 

They stay there, lying beneath the stars, long after the moon sets. 


	22. Chapter 22

The Ghosts are watching their Guardians as they stand at the edge of the wall, keeping their distance as they romp. The sound of Tamzin’s shriek would make Kessy smile, if she were able to. It’s a pleasant change to see the girl enjoying herself. 

“They’re so cute together,” she says to Rho, attempting to strike up a friendly conversation. “He’s good for her.” 

“He isn’t.” Rho replies. “She killed him.” 

The Ghost’s tone is clipped, cold. 

“What?” Kessy is sure she misheard her. 

“She killed him.” Rho repeats it slowly, as if Kessy must be stupid or hard of hearing. “She found him, and when he asked, she shot him to put him out of his misery.”  

Kessy stares at the other Ghost, who is still watching their Guardians. She seems… angry.

“Why would you tell me that?” Kessy finally asks, trying to find some motive behind the brutal revelation. 

“That’s what broke her. She pulled the trigger, and she went insane.”

The Ghost is still watching the couple, the sound of Tamzin’s laughter carrying across the Tower courtyard. She finally turns to look at Kessy, tone rife with bitterness. 

“She’s never going to be the same. All because of him.” 

Rho seems to emanate malice as she watches the lovers. Kessy draws back, but she knows there’s no way to escape this feeling of unease. 

She wonders, suddenly, if it was tragedy that broke Tamzin, or the voice that Tamzin trusted to guide her. 


	23. Chapter 23

The sand on Mars is the same color as her hair.

She remembers the way Kedric used to say that, when she sees it dried on her boots, spreading out across the plain until it disappears beneath the ice.

He’d brush her hair from her face, rolling the strands between his fingers. “Rich and red, like Martian clay.” He’d kiss the corner of her eye, her real eye, hands gentle on her sides. “And gray like the glaciers.”

She pulls the trigger, ignoring the pain of a perforated eardrum, the grit of dust in her teeth.  

The Psion lets out of a shriek, an agony that transcends language. Tamzin presses her heel down on the creature’s gut, leaving it to writhe helplessly, unable to clutch the bleeding mess that had once been a knee.

She pops the magazine out of her sidearm, counting her bullets before putting it back, toggling the hammer. Her face is impassive as she watches the alien, waiting until the scream fades to animalistic groans of pain.

Tamzin shoots again.

She closes her eyes as it screams, tilting her head as she feels fluid running from her ear, letting the vertigo swell with the sounds.

She steps back, staggering slightly.

Rho appears, but the Guardian waves her off- Tries to wave her off, at least. The Ghost repairs her ear, and her balance returns.

“Run.” She commands the Psion.

She needn’t bother. It’s already trying to drag itself away.

“Put your helmet on,” Rho sounds mildly irritated, as always. “You’re going to pop it again.”

Tamzin doesn’t seem to hear her.

She’s watching the Psion crawl away- No, watching the trails of blood it leaves, clotting in the sand, turning the red to black.

It feels death coming.

Tamzin feels alive.

She waits until it’s almost bled out. One step at a time, she keeps it in sight, as the sun disappears behind the horizon and its progress begins to slow.

When it can crawl no more, she begins her trek. Her steps skirt the black stains in the sand.

Tamzin takes a slow, deep breath as she stands over the Psion, as if the agony in its whimpers were something palpable, a scent she can savor.

Her last bullet is for mercy.

Her ear bleeds once more. Rho does not offer to fix it.


	24. Chapter 24

There was a time when Rho believed she had a perfect Guardian. 

Perfect in the right ways, at least. 

She was strong, sharp, a wonderful soldier. She had potential to be great, a Guardian who would be known by name, a heroine for humanity. 

She’d truly believed that Tamzin was destined for greatness. 

The Ghost watches her Guardian sleep, propped up between two rocks, rifle across her lap. The faint light of Saturn casts an orange glow over her armor, and there’s something eerie yet picturesque about the scene. 

_Go away._ _I don’t want you here right now_. 

She was the only friend Tamzin had, in those days, and instead of accepting her company, appreciating her presence, the Warlock had sent her away. 

Rho had watched Tamzin fall apart, one day at a time. 

Tamzin let the Vanguard see her slow recovery, apparently working out her anger and grief in the Crucible until they believed she was stable enough for field work. 

At night, in the City, she shed her armor and sought ways to lose herself. 

Why had Rho waited a year to speak to her again? 

She knew it would have been futile to try and stop her. Tamzin was weak, but she was stubborn. The Ghost just watched her fill her veins with illicit City drugs, drink enough alcohol to drown a legion, each new destructive behavior the equivalent of a slap in Rho’s face. 

After all the years of this, Rho feels a sick satisfaction when she hurts her Guardian. When she makes her doubt herself. It’s only fair, really, to make her pay for the way she’s treated her Ghost, for the way she’s ruined all of Rho’s plans.

Perhaps she should have forgiven her. She was in pain, as Ikora said. She was grieving. 

Rho could not-  _ cannot _ \- find the charity in herself to forgive. 

Tamzin could have been the perfect Guardian. Instead, she had destroyed herself. She had ruined all of Rho’s plans and dreams. 

The Ghost drifts closer to Tamzin, listening for the sound of her slow, even breaths. 

Perhaps, one day, she will fall apart again. She will break, and if Rho is the only one there for her, she can fix her mistakes. She can rebuild the Tamzin she once had. 

If she is the only one there for her. 

“He’ll leave.” 

The Ghost did not mean to speak the words aloud, and she jumps as Tamzin stirs. Rho makes a hushing noise, and her Guardian grumbles, shifting her weight to a comfortable spot before falling back to sleep. 

He will leave. Whether he does it on his own, or Tamzin pushes him away, he will go. 

Rho will stay, once Tamzin is broken and desolate. Rho will rebuild her broken Guardian once more. 

This time, she will be perfect. 


	25. Chapter 25

“It’s just Mercury,” he says, giving her that perfect, cocky smile, lacing his fingers between her own like a child as he attempts to cajole her. “Practically next door.”

When she’s not away on duty, Kedric always wants to be touching her, close to her, keeping her in sight. If it were anyone else, she’d be annoyed. Rho certainly seems to hate it. But Tamzin, too, finds herself missing his presence, his touch. 

Tamzin wishes, for a moment, that she weren’t Hidden. That she could just take him along, wherever she went. 

Perhaps she could ask for time to do just that. To be  _ normal _ , for a while. To do boring missions, with boring people. 

And yet, not with boring people. Not anymore. Just Kedric, the Hunter, the brash and bold Guardian who had once been-- 

Kedric leans forward, kissing her on the nose, startling her out of her silent thoughts. 

“I...” 

She starts to answer, reflexively, but she stops herself. She doesn’t have a good excuse that she’s willing to tell him. He knows it, too.

_ He might die. He might die. He might die.  _

“... I guess. If it’s just that.” 

Kedric pulls her in for a kiss, giving her lip a gentle bite as a mechanic gives a whoop of approval. Tamzin’s face flushes a bright red, and he breaks away to appreciate it. 

“Maybe not  _ just _ that.” 

Tamzin huffs, pressing her face against his chest, rising and falling with his laughter. He holds her close until she has no blush to hide. 


	26. Chapter 26

It’s a week later- Or is it months? 

The leaves on the trees in the Tower courtyards are beginning to fade into reds and golds, and her feet are always cold when she wakes up in the morning, no matter how tightly Kedric is holding her. 

He convinces her to come along to the EDZ. Tamzin is reluctant, but her reticence is more from ennui than fear. He tugs her book away, and she lets him tug her along, casting a longing glance back at her reading. 

In the times to come, she would not remember the book, nor the flight to the EDZ, nor the lighthearted first day beneath the open sky. 

Tamzin will remember a Fallen cry, and the sound of a trace rifle. 

She turns in time to see Kedric’s head explode. 

“Tamzin.” 

Rho repeats her name, and the Guardian gasps, trying to figure out how she ended up on her knees, trying to remember how to breathe past the tightness of fear in her chest. 

The Fallen are coming. They can hear the Guardian’s panicked wheezing, and they will kill her, and Rho will be helpless to stop them if she falls into their hands. 

“Tamzin!” 

The Warlock fumbles for her gun. She drops it. 

A Captain crawls above them, and Rho vanishes, willing herself to safety. 

Tamzin closes her eyes, ready to be crushed, but the sound of a blade slicing through flesh is all she hears.

Kedric is back, standing above her, a knife in his hands. The Captain falls, neck split open.

Kessy materializes beside Tamzin as Kedric draws his gun, keeping his body between Tamzin and the approaching enemies as he takes aim, fires. 

“Breathe,” Kessy instructs. “Breathe in.” 

Tamzin gulps, then forces herself to inhale, gasping around the painful tension in her throat and chest. 

“Perfect. Like that.” The Ghost flinches as a shot comes to near to her, but she doesn’t leave. “Let it out, and do it again.” 

By the time the Fallen are finished, and Rho has returned, Tamzin’s breathing has slowed. Kedric drops down in front of her, putting his hands on her arms, checking her for any injuries, any signs of hurt. 

“What’s wrong?” 

She just shakes her head, face crumpling as she begins to cry. 

“Breathe. Come on.” He rests his forehead against her own, stroking her cheeks, her hair, wiping away her tears until they’re breathing together, slow and deliberate. “There. Much better. Tell me what’s wrong.”  

“Y- You might not come back.” The words feel like a curse, and Tamzin suddenly feels like she might be ill. She’s seeing him, again, a hole in his gut, a hole in his head, her gun covered in his blood. “You might die forever.”  

Kessy cuts in before he can respond, nudging her way between the two and bumping gently into Tamzin’s nose. 

“Listen,” the Ghost says. “I’ll always bring him back.”

Tamzin swallows, trying to stop her tears. 

“Come on. None of that. It upsets him.” Kessy bumps her on the nose again, and the Warlock can’t help smiling at the absurdity of the gesture. “There. That’s better. You’ll never have to cry for him again, do you hear?” 

Tamzin nods, sniffling. 

“I’ll always bring him back to you. You don’t have to be afraid.” 

Kedric is utterly baffled as she burst into tears once again. Kessy just shakes her shell at him, and he bites back his questions. 

“Tamzin.” Instead, he says her name, and draws her into his arms. 

He holds her until she can cry no more. 


	27. Chapter 27

This is why she avoided going into battle with him. 

They’re having a good time, as one does on these silly scouting missions. Cleaning things up. Killing Vex. Not taking any of it too seriously, because then it becomes work. 

The shot goes through her neck. 

Tamzin has a moment of grim amusement before the pain consumes her consciousness. All this time and effort to avoid seeing him die, and it’s her, the sniper, who takes the first fatal shot. 

Kedric watches, helpless, as she tries to inhale, tries to move her hand to throat, and finds she cannot. She slumps, not quite dead for those moments of agony, before her Ghost appears. 

He turns away, and shoots, and shoots again, until the enemy is gone. He ignores the rush of blood in his ears until she is beside him once more, untouched, unblemished. 

Her blood is still beneath their boots. 

Kedric embraces her so tightly that she feels her ribs pop. 

“It’s fine,” she tries to reassure him. “I’m here. See? I always come back.” 

“I know.” He’s caressing her face, her scars, as if he’s unsure she’s in one piece. “I know, but…” 

Something in him has a great terror of that stillness, of seeing her limp, all life gone from her fragile frame. 

Tamzin’s heart aches to see his fear, and she gives him a soft, lingering kiss. She’s not sure if it’s to ease his worry, or to thank him for his concern. 

“I’ll never leave you.” 

She hopes this is a promise she can keep. 


	28. Chapter 28

Tamzin is covered with blood as she steps back onto the Derelict, breaths still heavy from her labors. Rho is patching up her bumps and bruises as she walks, but the only true casualty seems to be her coat.

“Whoa, now.” The Drifter holds his hands up as she storms across the deck, not bothering to hide his amusement. “Match is over, sister. You can put the gun away.”

Tamzin glances down at her sidearm, as if only just realizing the gun is still clutched in her hand. She releases it into her holster with a wince, as if her fingers ache from gripping it too tightly.

“Not picking up many motes out there,” he observes. “This ain’t a pleasure cruise, y’know.”

“Despite being useless in every other way, my teammates are perfectly capable of playing fetch.” She flexes her hand to try to ease her stiffness, gritting her teeth. “I didn’t let you drag me to Nessus so I could do chores for you.”

“Yeah?” The Drifter scoffs, and she rewards him with a glare. “What did ya come for, then? Loverboy been stepping out?”

“It’s none of your business.” Tamzin turns her back on him, pacing a few steps, radiating tension. The other Guardians are chattering together enthusiastically. It just seems to irritate her more. “Are we leaving, or not?”

“I’m not your chauffeur, princess.” Tamzin’s temper is entertaining, but the Drifter doesn’t like her tone. “If you don’t like it, you can get out and walk.”

She’s about to give him some scathing retort, he can tell, but one of the Hunters from her team barrels up to them with the enthusiasm of a small dog.

“Can we do another match? We’ve got the whole team here, and we’re already all the way out here.”

“No.” Tamzin answers before the Drifter can, and raises her brows as his smile falters, challenging him to voice the anger she’s trying to provoke. “I’m not playing.”

He’s not rising to her bait, though. He just shrugs, giving the Hunter a helpless look.

“Whatcha gonna do? Three against four, or call it a day?”

The Hunter sighs, giving Tamzin a resentful look before heading back to his friends.

Tamzin turns to watch him go, but she stiffens as she feels the Drifter’s body heat close against her back, a hand coming to rest on her shoulder. She suppresses the urge to recoil as he leans in to breathe against her ear.

“Get that bloodlust out of your system while you can, sister.” She can hear the smile in his voice as she turns her face away. “And fix that attitude while you’re at it.”

He shoves her forward, and Tamzin stumbles, biting back an angry shout. She almost turns around to hit him.

Almost.

She looks down at the blood on her clothes, and remembers when it was Kedric’s blood, and she was paralyzed with fear. Her hands tighten into fists as the anger and disgust at her cowardice rise once more, leaving a bitter taste on her tongue.

“... Hold on.”

The other Guardians turn to look as she begins to walk down the ship to them. She can feel the Drifter’s gaze on her back, but she keeps her eyes straight ahead.

“I’m up for one more game.”


	29. Chapter 29

Once, these dreams were light, lovely things.

Tamzin is on a table before him, bloodied and naked, skin hanging in shreds where claws have torn at her flesh. All is white, and she seems like an offering on an altar, in this space.

Half-butchered. Half-dead.

“Kedric.”

The name is a faint wheeze, a gasp. She is suffocating. Each breath is sharp, shallow, desperate.

She watches him, waiting for him to help.

Her eye is darting, pleading, panicked as she feels death coming. The vessels begin to burst, and the steel gray is soon surrounded by a sea of blooming red.

He is paralyzed.

She dies.

Rho appears, somehow, a spot of crisp blue light in the white world of the dream.

“You failed her.” She sounds disapproving, as ever. She scans the corpse, and Tamzin jerks back to life, yet unhealed, yet unable to breathe, crying out in agony. “Try again.”

He covers her face with the oxygen mask. She breathes, but she bleeds, and lies still.

Rho brings her back.

He stops the bleeding. He gets her breathing. He stops, trying to catch his own breath, only to see the corruption of the Hive creeping out of her wounds, consuming her flesh.

“Not good enough,” The Ghost says, sounding pleased with herself. “Again.”

Tamzin manages to get onto her side, curling up, ribs bloodied and bare to the open air as she labors for air, the ruins of her face turned to him.

“You can’t save me,” she groans, clutching her sides. “You left me.”

She vomits, and it is darkness that seeps into his boots, seeps into the gaps in her flesh.

“Tamzin!”

He reaches for her, tries to draw her into an embrace, but she dissolves into shadows.

He is left covered with this darkness that drips like blood, smells like ash.


	30. Chapter 30

Tamzin has left, and he sleeps alone.

“Is she mad?” He says it again, anxiously, looking to the sky as if her ship might appear at any moment. “Is she angry with me?”

“Kedric. No.” Kessy sighs, quietly, wishing she had some more comforting answers than these. “She’s upset, but not with you. She has… bad memories. That’s all.”

“Why won’t you tell me what you know?” The Hunter sounds desperate, like a child being denied a toy. His Ghost doesn’t have the heart to deny him much longer. “I deserve to know. You shouldn’t keep secrets from me.”

“Rho…” Kessy starts to speak, but Kedric interrupts her.

“You hate Rho. Why would you keep secrets for her sake?”

He has a point, though Kessy is loath to admit it. She’d like to think she’s above that petty reasoning.

“She… saw you die, Kedric.”

It’s a softer version of the truth, but it doesn’t give away the worst of it. Perhaps, for Tamzin’s sake, she should just tell him. Spare them all the dramatics. And yet, it is Tamzin’s story to tell.

“There was some trouble for her, after that. Seeing it again just brought back memories she needs to deal with. Do you understand?”

“I guess so.” He looks troubled, and Kessy suspects he does not, in fact, understand at all. “But why can’t she stay with me? I could help.”

“Oh, Kedric. One day, she might stay.” Kessy bumps into his shoulder, an attempt at comfort. “And you know she’ll come back. But let her be alone for now, if she needs to be.”

Kedric nods, though he doesn’t look pleased about it.

They walk on, and she feels some of the weight lifting from her conscience. He knows some of the tale now. He can find out the rest on his own, and she won’t have the guilt of carrying secrets anymore. Someone else can give him the lurid tale, the gossip she’s heard from Rho and other Ghosts around the Tower.

“Hey, Kessy.” Kedric pauses, turning to look at his Ghost with an odd expression on his face. “Why didn’t you tell me you know how I died?”

Kessy falters. “Kedric--”

He holds up a hand.

“Tell me now.”

She can see the betrayal in his eyes. She steadies her nerves.

“... I don’t know the whole story. Just the broad strokes.”

The sun is gone by the time she finishes.

Still, she does not tell him who pulled the trigger.


	31. Chapter 31

“He’s going to figure it out, eventually.”

Tamzin studies her gloved hand, the slow drip of Fallen blood winding down a seam. Rho watches, silent.

The Vandal’s stumps have stopped bleeding, the messy pulse of gore fading to a drip as the hearts cease beating.

“He’ll sniff it out. He’ll follow me, and he’ll see what I do, and he’ll be afraid of me.”

The Warlock catches the drip of blood with her tongue before it reaches the fabric of her sleeve, grimacing slightly at the taste of ether.

“Disgusted, more likely.” Rho sounds sympathetic, though it’s tainted with disdain. “You make such a mess.”

Tamzin casts a sidelong look at the Ghost, licking the rest of the ether-sour blood off her leathers without breaking eye contact.

“I clean up after myself.”

The alien blood makes her gut turn, but she ignores it, getting to her feet.

The Alaskan Dead Zone is blessedly free of Guardians and Ghosts. No corpses to scan, no scrap to be found- Scrap that would be worth anything to the City, at least. Only desperate Fallen lurk about here, scraping for nothing in this wreck of a wasteland.  

“Feeling better?” Rho asks, as if they aren’t surrounded by viscera, garish and slick on the permafrost. “Caused enough pain yet? Can we go home?”

“Feeling something, at least.” Tamzin smiles. The expression doesn’t reach her eyes. “Though I know you hate that.”

“Don’t be silly.” The Ghost sounds faintly pleased, despite her disapproving tone. “I want you to get back to your old self. Even if that means indulging your… hobbies.”

“It’s work.” The Warlock sighs, stepping carefully around the corpse, enjoying the sound of her feet on the crisp snow. “Most of the time.”

“Just keep telling yourself that.” Rho doesn’t bother checking Tamzin for injuries. She just follows, keeping her Guardian’s slow pace as they move across the ice. “If you believe it, maybe Kedric will, too.”

Tamzin doesn’t stop walking, but Rho sees the drop in her shoulders.

“He might never find out,” she says, voice plaintive. “He might not care.”

“Oh, Tamzin.” Rho drifts forward, tone comforting. “He will, eventually. And he’ll leave you, because he’s too kind for you. You can’t behave like a monster and expect him to love you.”

Tamzin’s teeth sink into her lip, and she seems ready to argue- But she looks back at the mutilated Vandal, carnage stark against the ice, and says nothing.

Rho bumps against Tamzin affectionately, the way she did in the beginning, when the girl was quiet and biddable, and didn’t have her own ideas of what ought to be done.

“I won’t leave you, though. You’re my Guardian, monster or no.”

The Warlock smiles, a sincere expression. “I know.”

Rho feels a small thrill at the realization that, _at last,_ she’s winning.


	32. Chapter 32

He is standing in the corridor leading from Ikora’s library, waiting for her.

There is slush on his boots. Snow on her coat. It’s melting, and the blood is turning the drops of water black before they hit the floor.

“You scared me.” Kedric has no resentment in his voice, but she flinches all the same.

“...I had to go.”

Tamzin looks down, watching small pools of red and black water grow beneath her. She wonders how long she’d have to stand in the snow to wash it all away. All the snow in the tower would be as black as the space between the stars before she was clean.  

He steps forward, and she lets him pull her into his arms, embrace her.

She exhales. It feels like she’s been holding that breath since they left the EDZ.

“I love you.” He says it softly, a reassurance, yet the words make her stiffen. He repeats them.

“Are you sure?” Tamzin is closing her eyes, trying to sort out her thoughts, her fears, Rho’s warnings. “No matter what?”

His frown is so severe that she might laugh, in any other circumstance.

“Come on.” Kedric decides to ignore the question, taking her hand, starting to tug her along. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”

Tamzin doesn’t resist.

She dozes off in the baths, arms draped over the edge, head resting on her forearms. Kedric gently rouses her, putting a folded towel on the tiles to make her more comfortable, pressing a kiss on her temple before easing back into the water.

“What have you been up to?” He speaks softly, and she knows he does not truly expect an answer.

He lathers up a brush, gently getting to work on her back, her arms. The room smells of sandalwood and lye, overpowering the stench of death and decay that’s clung to her skin for so long.

“What would make you stop loving me?”

The brush stills, and she can hear Kedric’s breath hitch as he processes what she has just said.

“What?”

Tamzin does not lift her head, does not open her eyes, but he can feel her unease.

“What could I do that would make you stop loving me?”

He hesitates, then leans forward, kissing her where spine meets neck, wrapping his arms about her waist.

“Nothing. You know that.”

Tamzin is tense, however. He hears her exhale, long and slow.

“Kedric. Seriously.”

“... Tamzin.” He moves to sit beside her, drawing her with him, hands lingering on her waist as she settles on his lap, forehead resting gently against his own.  “Are you trying to confess something, or are you just in your own head again?”

Kedric keeps his voice soft, the way he does when she’s got madness creeping under her skin, into the cracks of her mind.

“Neither. Both.” She shrugs her shoulders, hunching forward slightly. “I just want to know.”

Kedric sighs, but he doesn’t speak yet. He takes his time to consider the question, trying to imagine the most horrific thing she could do- How he would feel witnessing her in the act.

“Hurting Kessy.”

“Kessy?” Tamzin blinks, sitting upright, and he can’t help smiling at her shock. “That’s it?”

“I told you.” He leans in to place a lingering kiss on her collarbone, feeling ancient scars beneath his lips. “I like mean girls.”

Her laugh is gentle, but he doesn’t like the look in her eyes. She doesn’t believe him.

“I’m a monster.” Her smile seems sad- Sincere. “You’re too good for me.”

Kedric grins, a predatory expression, and Tamzin feels an odd chill run down her spine.

“I’m no good at all, Tamzin.” He draws her in for a kiss, possessive, aggressive, fingers tangled in her hair. “You just don’t know it yet.”


	33. Chapter 33

They sleep in his room, for once- Or at least Tamzin does.

Kedric watches over her, holding her, stroking her hair and marvelling at her exhaustion. Usually she’s tossing, turning, and he has to soothe her fretful dreams.

He presses his lips to her hair, closing his eyes, savoring the scent of her.

_Her Ghost is sabotaging her._

Kessy’s words keep coming back to him, urgent, pleading. A warning. A story about his death. A story about Tamzin’s life.

_They tied her to the bed. Drugged her like an animal. Kept her there for weeks._

She mumbles something, shifting her weight, and Kedric waits for her to settle down once more. Her face is turned to his chest, and he can feel her warm breath against his skin.

_Listen to what she says. Please. She’s different when she comes back._

A monster? Too good for him? No, those are not Tamzin’s words. The idea that she isn’t good enough for anyone, let alone him, could not be not her own. Even in her most disjointed moments, she is fiercely self-assured.

_She killed the Guardians who found her._

These thoughts disturb him, these memories of events that he was not alive to see. He sees her tied to a gurney when he closes his eyes, eyes vacant, crippled by grief and sedatives.

He kisses her face, her throat, until she grumbles, draping her arms around his neck with a sleepy hum.

“Let me come with you.” His voice is soft, but he lets an edge of pleading creep into it. “Don’t go alone again.”

Tamzin doesn’t answer. He sighs, but he goes back to his kisses, working his way to her belly, until she shifts, back arching slightly into the feeling of his hands on her hips.

“What time is it?” She asks, voice still thick with sleep.

“Does it matter?” Kedric kisses the soft skin of her stomach again, smiling as she grumbles.

“... No.” Tamzin yelps as he drags her down the mattress, catching her mouth in a kiss as her legs wrap around his waist.

“Good.” He keeps his hands on her sides, enjoying the close darkness of the room, the scent of rosemary soap still clinging to her skin. “I want to come on your next mission.”

“Maybe.” Tamzin sighs, letting her head fall back. “I have to see.”

“I’ll convince you,” Kedric nips at her neck, laughing as she slaps him on the shoulder. “Say yes.”

“I said maybe. I was sleeping,” she whines. “You woke me up for this?”

“Go back to sleep, then.” He sits back, brushing a soft kiss on the inside of one knee, smiling to feel her shiver beneath his touch. “I’ll do all the work.”

 

The sun creeps through the cracks in the blinds, catching the shine of sweat on their skin as they lay breathless in each other’s arms.

“Let me come with you,” he pleads, voice a whisper right beside her ear. “I can’t live without you next to me.”

Tamzin laughs, kissing his collarbone, the faint glow of his skin casting a faint blue light onto her face.

“Not this time.”

Kedric bites back a frustrated sigh, twisting a piece of her hair between his fingers as she dozes off.

He’ll find her on his own terms, if he must.


	34. Chapter 34

The glimmer gives off a faint glow in the palm of his hand, dancing with the glow of his skin as he shifts the shards around, counting the pieces and gauging their weight.

“Do you not trust me, Guardian?” The Spider’s voice is a dangerous purr, and Kedric does not glance up to meet his gaze. “It’s all there.”

Kedric pockets the glimmer, pulling the buckle on his pouch tight before turning his attention back to the Fallen.

“Apologies,” he makes a deep, slightly mocking bow, hand over his heart. “Stealing Vanguard materials is risky business, and I want to make sure you’ve made it worth my while.”

“Of course.” The huge alien chuckles. “Do come back if any more munitions happen to… fall off the ship.”

“Absolutely.” Kedric flashes a smile, a charming expression that is entirely lost on Spider. “Now, if you’ll excuse me…” He steps back, waiting respectfully for his dismissal before striding away.

“This is so dangerous,” Kessy hisses, apparating as soon as they are a safe distance away. “Do you need money this badly?”

“It’s fun.” Kedric shrugs, tugging his hood up as they emerge into the muted daylight of the Shore. “Most of it ends up in warehouses, anyways. It’s not as if I’m stealing food or medicine.”

“It’s… a war.” Kessy sighs, deciding she doesn’t want to repeat this argument. “Just don’t get caught.”

The Hunter hums thoughtfully, waving a hand. Kessy obliges, transmatting his Sparrow before disappearing to safer spaces, away from the eyes glowing in the dark recesses of the Shore.

“Any good bounties on the network? Missions?” He swings a leg over the bike, taking a moment to pop his neck and kick on the antigrav. “Tamzin sent anything?”

“I always tell you when Tamzin’s called,” Kessy sounds annoyed, but she’s perusing anyways, humming thoughtfully. It’s an odd, cute affectation she’s picked up from the Warlock. Kedric finds it charming. “Nothing closer than Mercury, unless you want to visit Asher.”

He grimaces, though she can’t see the expression. “Let’s not.”

“I figured.” Kessy sounds amused. “Hmm. There is a ship nearby that you shouldn’t be tracking.”

“Where?” He hits the brakes on his sparrow, sliding to a stop so sharply that he feels the strain in his neck. “How close?”

“You’re a stalker.” The Ghost informs him. “She’s on the Shore, but she’s going to be mad, you know. She’s working.”

“I won’t interrupt her. I can wait until she’s not busy.” The Hunter insists. He can hear a Fallen cry nearby, but not close enough to be worrying. Yet. “Where is she, Kess?”

“Coordinates are on your HUD.” Kessy affects a loud sigh. “I’m not lying if she asks me how you found her.”

“Then don’t talk to her about it.” He kicks off, turning the sparrow before taking off through the shambles of Thieves’ Landing. “Easy.”

“I’ll always talk to Tamzin,” The Ghost sounds offended. “She’s my favorite.”

“I thought _I_ was your favorite.” Kedric laughs, shifting his weight as the sparrow soars over a slope and into the open air. “I can’t believe my Ghost is cheating on me.”

"ETA 33 minutes," she reads off, ignoring her Guardian's commentary. "High levels of Cabal activity reported at our destination. Please don't get us killed." 


	35. Chapter 35

The Cabal have gone by the time he arrives. 

Tamzin’s ship is in orbit, but Kessy can pick up Rho’s location and reluctantly points Kedric in the right direction. The Shore is eerily quiet, with the evidence of Cabal patrols strewn about. Huge footprints, drag marks, broken crates. 

Whatever her mission is, it can’t be active now. 

“Are you sure this is it?” He asks Kessy, hesitating at the entrance to the hollow, a dark, intimidating cave above a sharp drop into the void of space. 

“That’s the best I can do without letting Rho know we’re coming,” Kessy repeats, sounding vaguely annoyed and concerned. “I’d like to reiterate that this is a bad idea.” 

“Noted, yet again.” He hops down, taking a moment for his eyes to adjust to the darkness before moving forward. Kessy hovers at his shoulder, wary, ready to vanish at the first sign of danger. 

They both freeze at the sound of something shrieking, a visceral, pained noise that echoes off the cavern walls before it’s cut off by a gunshot.

“Shit,” he hisses, breaking into a run. 

“Kedric, that wasn’t--” Kessy starts to speak, but he’s already sprinting the last few yards, sliding to a stop in the ring of light from scout lanterns stabbed into the stone floor. The faint buzz of the lights and the splash of distant water is the only sound.

_ They had to tie her down. _

These are the words he remembers when he sees her, covered in blood, standing above a mutilated Psion, breathing heavily.

“Tamzin.” 

He says her name, and she looks to him, bright eye illuminating half of her shadowed face. She’s flushed with pleasure, or exertion, or the chill of space- He doesn’t know which. 

She does not speak.

_ She killed the Guardians who came to help her. _

“Tamzin.” He names her again, stepping forward. She does not recoil, but Rho appears, lurking at her shoulder, turning to speak into her Guardian’s ear. 

“He’s going to tell them,” he hears, though the Ghost tries to keep her voice quiet. “They’ll lock you up again.” 

Tamzin flinches, violently. 

_ She had to be drugged to be brought back to the Tower. They kept her like that for weeks. Tied to the bed and sedated like an animal.  _

“No.” He says it loudly, loudly enough to make Rho jump. “No, I won’t.” 

Stepping over the carnage, ignoring the squelch of guts on his boots, he takes her hands into his own. He guides her away, aside, just enough to allow him to kneel without getting viscera all over his legs, looking up into her face. 

_ She went mad.  _

“Is this what you’ve been hiding?” Kedric’s voice is soft once more, gentle. He brings one of her hands to his face, turning it, placing her palm against his cheek, kissing her on the wrist. “Is this why you’ve been so afraid?” 

Tamzin falters, stumbling over words she doesn’t know how to say. Rho moves forward, but he casts a murderous glance in the Ghost’s direction. The Ghost retreats, clearly reading his violent intent. 

“... Yes.” She finally says, for there is nothing more to say, and she does not have a lie to spare. “Yes.” 

Kedric sighs, but he continues kissing her hands, ignoring the blood and gore, until she sinks to her knees in front of him, and they are eye to eye. 

“You’re beautiful,” he tells her, watching that familiar blush creep into her cheeks. “And I love you. I love you brutal.” 

Kedric leans to her, kissing her softly on the lips.

“I love you violent.” 

She turns her face, and he kisses the curve of her jaw, lingering despite the taste of alien blood on her skin. 

“I love you bloodied.”

Kedric kisses her on the throat, and she inhales sharply, releasing it in a shaky sigh as his hands come to rest on her hips. 

“Don’t be afraid. Darling.” He can’t help smiling as he feels her ease into his touch. This is a familiar place for them, though the blood and gore are certainly a new addition. “Come to me. I love you.” 

Kedrics draws her to himself, and she straddles his lap, hands finding his face, holding him gingerly as she kisses him. He can feel the blood smearing down his cheeks, trails left by her fingers. 

He doesn’t care.

Her cheeks are wet with tears as they finish, and he kisses them away, making soft noises of comfort as she finds a sweeter release than pain. 

“Does it make you feel better?” He asks, not looking to the mutilated corpse, brushing her hair way from her face. “Is that why?” 

She turns her pale eyes to the bloody mess, and he feels a chill as he takes in her cool, distant expression. 

Tamzin is a predator. 

She is dangerous, and she is  _ his _ . 

“I want them to suffer,” she says, reaching out a hand as if she might dip her fingers into the congealing gore. “I want them all to die screaming, the way we do. The way I do. I want to destroy them all.” 

He catches her wrist, drawing it away, draping her arm around his neck as he reassembles their clothing. 

She is fatigued from violence and lust, and she lets him handle her like a doll, accepting his occasional soft kisses as tribute with soft sounds of satisfaction. 

“That’s alright.” Kedric smudges the last tear from her cheek, smiling as it only manages to smear the blood even more. “I can help with that.” 

Tamzin watches him for a long minute, expression strange. 

“You really aren’t disgusted by me.” 

He glances up at her, surprised by the statement.

“Disgusted? No. Look--” 

Kedric wraps his arms around her waist, standing up with a grunt of exertion, lifting her up with him and gently setting on her feet. She’s looking up at him now, and he cups her chin in one hand. 

“I don’t care what your Ghost says. She’s a vicious bitch.” 

Tamzin opens her mouth as if she’s going to defend Rho, but Kedric puts a finger over her lips, shaking his head. 

“She is. And she’s a liar. I love you, and if I thought you were disgusting, or a monster, or anything like that, I wouldn’t be letting you seduce me next to a dismembered Psion.” 

“I didn’t seduce you,” she protests. 

“You absolutely did.” Kedric grins, leaning down to give her the exact sort of fierce kiss she’d given him earlier. “And I loved it.” 

Tamzin melts into his embrace, and it takes all his willpower not to push her against the wall and have her again, let her sink her teeth into his skin and taste his blood instead of her tears. 

“I love you, too.” She says it softly, but the words are rare and precious, cutting right to his heart. “I do.” 

Kedric bites his lip until it hurts, letting out a shaky exhale as he masters himself.  

“... Let’s get out of here.” He finally says, pressing a nearly chaste kiss to her forehead. “Please. That thing is going to start smelling soon, and I don’t have the stomach for it.” 


	36. Chapter 36

Kedric wishes, sometimes, that they were free of the Vanguard.

Tamzin seems to feel some strange obligation to the Tower, to the City, and she seems content to let things remain the way they are as long as he is by her side. He watches her chafe beneath their commands, all the same. She dislikes constraint, and loves to argue, and neither trait puts her in Zavala’s good graces.

Authority aside, there are more subtle enemies. He can see the way she falters when Rho has been hissing into her ear again. He would destroy that Ghost, if it were not her lifeline, if it were not the single thing allowing him to have Tamzin forever. Instead, he stays with her as often as possible, and she seems to thrive on his presence as much as he does hers.

The system feels balanced when they are together.

She is unsteady, at times, and he is there to draw her back to herself, away from the dark memories and imaginings. He is impulsive, but her presence steadies him, provides a reason to think twice before being reckless. They don’t have to speak, but they do. She tells him about the universe, letting small stories of her own life slip, and he devours it all, starving to know everything about her.

Kedric moves into her rooms, and they wordlessly ease into the routine of being safe with one another. They love and sleep and live as one, sometimes spending days in bed, others in the streets of the City, until a call comes from Ikora to end their bliss.

“It’s a mission,” Tamzin sighs, rolling onto her back. “Probably weeks until I finish. Maybe months.”

He turns onto his side to better see her, smiling as she slips her hand into his despite the pressing heat of the room.

“Take me with you,” he begs, tracing the scars on her face with his fingers, drawing constellations between her freckles. "Please." 

“I will.” She is half-asleep, but it still agreement, and his heart leaps. She groans dramatically as he kisses her, pulling her close, hand sliding down her side. “ _Kedric_. Don’t you _ever_ get tired?”


	37. Chapter 37

The first time they don’t have to say goodbye feels like heaven.

He kisses her in the hangar. He kisses her on the ship. He stays at her shoulder, close, quiet, staying out of her way but guarding her all the same. He falls asleep with her in his arms, wrapped warmly in his cloak as they wait for a landing party to arrive on Venus, face buried in her hair as she rests her head against his shoulder.

“Look,” he whispers, and she opens her eyes to watch a cascade of blue meteors burn through the atmosphere, turning the ruins of civilization into stark silhouettes against the green sky.

“Sulfuric acid,” she mumbles, voice blurred with sleep. She disentangles a hand from his cloak, rubbing her eyes. “They burn blue because of it. The atmosphere’s going to convert back, eventually. We can still breathe it, in some places, but up there it’s sulfuric clouds.”

“It’s pretty,” Kedric remarks, amused by her recitation. “That’s why I wanted you to see it. But I appreciate the trivia, too.”

“I like to know where I can and can’t breathe.” She shrugs her shoulders, pressing back against him, and he feels tension building in her body. “It’s horrible to die that way.”

“We don’t have to talk about it if it upsets you.” Kedric shifts his grip, rubbing her back slowly, trying to soothe her. “You can go back to sleep.”

“It doesn’t. It shouldn’t.” Tamzin sighs, tilting her head back to rest on his shoulder, closing her eyes. “It’s been… a long time.”

“How long?” He smirks, blowing a piece of her hair out of her face. “Are you some Dark Age relic? Am I being romanced by a cradle robber?”

“I hope you haven’t been in any cradles.” Tamzin wrinkles her nose, making him chuckle. “Fifteen years? Twelve? Something like that.”

He falls silent, letting that settle in. Thankfully, Tamzin’s eyes are closed, and she can’t see his expression as he turns that number over in his mind.

If he were dead for less than twelve, fifteen years, then his family, his past, might still be alive out there, somewhere.

Does he truly want to find his past life, though? Beyond this. Beyond Tamzin.

He takes in her face, smooth and restful, pale lashes fluttering above her freckled cheeks, shadows catching the hollows of her scars.

“Tell me your story,” he says. “I want to know everything.”

She does not open her eyes, and for a long while, he thinks she’s fallen asleep.

“... Titan was never visited by the Traveler,” Tamzin begins.

The long Venus night does not end, and the landing party does not arrive.

Kedric listens until she has nothing left to say.


End file.
